Earl Grey Tea Party

This is not a funny post, click somewhere else now. Wanna laugh? How about here-

http://pclb.blogspot.com/

Ok, the political movement know as the tea party has become too big to ignore.

When I enter a conversation about politics with any of my friends (Politically savvy or not), over the past several months their initial question has repeatedly been "So, what do you think about the Tea Party [movement]?". I typically respond with "eh, I don't know"

Typically I'm greeted with a stunning reaction "... really? I thought you'd be on board with that?"

Yes, that's me- ready to jump on the next wave of what's popular. Even if the movement smacks of dissent, It's become too clear that it's cool to be part of the tea party this side of the Mason-Dixon line.

Now, don't get me wrong... I'm in LOVE with the idea. But like most things, people with their own agendas destroy the spirit of the idea (see Catholicism, Stalin, and Teamsters).

After speaking with a teacher of whom I think the world, he described the Tea Party in a way that I implore others to follow.

Where does the Tea Party stand on abortion? They don't
Where does the Tea Party stand on gay marriage? They don't
War on Terror? nope
War on children under 5? uh-uh

The only thing the Tea Party wants is the government to slow down it's accumulation of power.

The United States Federal Government is the largest land-owner, stock-owner, lender, borrower, employer, and highest-paid employee per capita in the Land of the Free.

The only thing the Tea party should be focused on is the lessening, and in some cases- rescinding the stranglehold that the Feds have on controlling prices.

That's it

Nothing more

... and to think- If the Democrats would've just worked with establishment Republicans and compromised in just a few ways, this movement would have NO clout.

We need smart, small government.

It's unfortunate that there have been no voices loud and lucid enough to break the static. (If I had money, I would, but instead I post this crap with no form of action)

What's the deal with Jerry Seinfeld

...more like Jerry Whine-n-fail, am I right?

Jerry Seinfeld is not funny. If you think he is funny, I don't know what to say to you. I don't know what to do to you. If you like Jerry Seinfeld, I think I have developed a demerit system in which I can rightly punish your insolence. Porn has better plots than his show.

in the spirit of fairness, I decided to google "funny Jerry Seinfeld quotes". After my Dell crashed 4 times later, I opened a fanpage to the 30 greatest Jerry Seinfeld quotes. Here is a random samping of his "greatest"-

"Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom."

riotous

"Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV."

Psychologists- prepare a new thesis

" I'll tell you what I like about Chinese people... they're stickin' with the chopsticks"

poetry in motion

Jerry Seinfeld is one of the reasons that the Taliban hate America. If you like Jerry Seinfeld, it is very unpatriotic of you.

How was this brought to the forefront of my mind? I work as a meat clerk at Kroger and they run a "laugh track" in between the music. I cringe every time I hear his voice. Then, after the clip is done playing an ominous voice says "keep laughing" trying to encourage customers to be in a good mood while they destroy their bank accounts by not going to Aldi. That kind of subliminal messaging would DRIVE me out of the store threatening to kill all in a blaze of glory.

Once again, Jerry Seinfeld, unpatriotic and murderous.

Oh, my demerit system, I think this may be an effective way to "cleanse" the losers out of your group of friends.
Parents demoted to "guardians"
Brothers and sisters demoted to step-siblings
step-siblings demoted to New Yorkers
spouses demoted to "companion-in-law"
Grandparents demoted to Aunts and Uncles
Aunts and Uncles demoted to the strangers.
Strangers demoted to "in-laws"
and "in-laws" demoted to the cast of Jerry Seinfeld
...and if I dated you, and didn't know you liked Seinfeld, I regret you.

I think I would cry if I ever discovered that my life-long best friend, @Jake Everett, were a Seinfeld fan. I think probation wold be the only remedy. He would be moved to stranger if I found that he owned a John Mayer shirt.

Anyway, there you have it folks. Jerry Seinfeld is unpatriotic, murderous, and supports abortion in the third trimester.

Nancy Pelosi likes Seinfeld.

Y'all is magnanimous

I consider myself a smart guy, and if you are a smart person, you should too.

However, one thing that the nation can't seem to get over is the perceived dumbness of the southern accent/drawl.

It is intensely frustrating when I hear stories from my friend, Leslie who graduated from TCU in the top of her class in BOTH her majors in Business (Supply Chain and Entrepreneurial Management something-rather), and her co-workers in California feeling that because she says "y'all", she must be inbred.

Firstly, "y'all" is the most genius, most innovative word to come around until truthiness by Stephen Colbert was created. It's a contraction of "you" and "all". If you put the apostrophe after the "a", you're not helping our cause...

... also, if you don't know what an apostrophe is, please don't say you're from Texas- go with Ohio.

other cultures use "you's guys"... WTF IS THAT!? Yankee scum use it all the time. you-is-guys? People always want to beat up on the South for not being progressive, yet this phrase is clearly male-focused. It is essentially calling a girl "dude". It still works, but there's something not quite right about it.

you all... if you really want to speak correctly, this is the way to go, but that's my point- "y'all" is innovative.

What sparked this was this morning, while working, I was approached by a woman with a heavy New York accent. She sounded like Linda Richman (cwofee twallk). Her child had these big, beautiful, glossy brown eyes that had clearly just been done crying. I offered him a sticker from my pricing gun and proceeded to say " you're a docile little fellow aren't you? I'm just incredulous at how calm he is right now, how did you do that?"

As soon as I had said docile, it seemed that someone had jabbed her in the face, then when I used the grand word incredulous, it was as if Ali threw the knockout punch. It was pitiful.

If you've heard me speak, I use a bunch of SAT words because I was raised on them with a mother as an English teacher. I speak like that all the time. I don't do it to impress.

So, as she seemed to be caught off guard, I realized at that time, she had never heard such multisyllabic words exude from such a imprudent and amiable employee. (HA)

So, to stop this stereotyping, I believe we must all work as a team.

Everyone from this area must talk with as harsh a southern accent as you can while using multisyllabic or descriptive words as each person can possibly muster.

Also, that means if you're dumb or have a limited vocabulary, please shhh.

Nice Tacos

Ok, so I'm pulling through the drive through at Taco Bell and I'm about 3 people behind to get the order. My mouth is already watering anticipating the two 99-cent Chicken Burritos that I am about to purchase, consume, and regret.

If you've seen the movie Waiting..., you know it's always good to treat those who handle your food with respect. If you don't know this already and typically treat those who handle your food like Chris Brown extends to Rihanna, it is likely you have consumed various amounts of inedible materials... likely "organic" and human in origin.

Anyway, so when it's my turn to order, the conversation through the intercom went something like this:

Intercom (woman)- "Hello how are you today?"
Me (male-in case you were unaware)- "Doing great, how about you"
Intercom- "Good"

Then there is a 30 second pause... there is now only one car in front of me who is now receiving their food. The inside is not busy.

Intercom- "...Order when you're ready"

But she says it in a tone that makes it out as if I am the retard (and I mean "retard" in the purest of definitions).

This seems to be a recurring theme in every encounter that I've had at Taco Bell. Frankly, I'm done asking about their day. From now on, when they ask, "Hello how are you today", without hesitation I am going to answer "I'll be awesome when you give me two chicken burritos!"

Instead of having to wait 30 seconds to see if they plan on taking my order, I can instead use that time to sift through my burritos to determine whether revenge has been attempted against me or not after I get said burritos. They can't even fold them right these days anyway...

Courtesy is too good for Taco Bell.

Nazis? On my Highway?

The Nazi Party of Denver, Colorado only wants to improve the PR of the disciples of Hitler...

This Story is maybe the most hilarious thing I've seen lately. In turn, the National Socialist Movement Denver Unit has done the public a favor and elected to keep a mile-long stretch of US Highway 85 clean via the Adopt-a-Highway program.

A quote from the leader:
"We want to let them know that we're here and we do good things," Unit leader Dean Lane told FOX 31 News. "We're upstanding citizens, try to be good people, and try to portray ourselves that way."

Well, at least they are trying to be good people. That's more than what can be said for most skinheads, white supremacists, and Nazi sympathizers.

I'm sure in due time the people of Colorado will forgive their allegiance to the Fuhrer and eventually come to see the Denver unit as the best damn highway-cleaning Nazis ever seen this side of the Mississippi.

Make sure you thank a Nazi in Denver for doing his civil duty.