...more like Jerry Whine-n-fail, am I right?
Jerry Seinfeld is not funny. If you think he is funny, I don't know what to say to you. I don't know what to do to you. If you like Jerry Seinfeld, I think I have developed a demerit system in which I can rightly punish your insolence. Porn has better plots than his show.
in the spirit of fairness, I decided to google "funny Jerry Seinfeld quotes". After my Dell crashed 4 times later, I opened a fanpage to the 30 greatest Jerry Seinfeld quotes. Here is a random samping of his "greatest"-
"Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom."
riotous
"Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV."
Psychologists- prepare a new thesis
" I'll tell you what I like about Chinese people... they're stickin' with the chopsticks"
poetry in motion
Jerry Seinfeld is one of the reasons that the Taliban hate America. If you like Jerry Seinfeld, it is very unpatriotic of you.
How was this brought to the forefront of my mind? I work as a meat clerk at Kroger and they run a "laugh track" in between the music. I cringe every time I hear his voice. Then, after the clip is done playing an ominous voice says "keep laughing" trying to encourage customers to be in a good mood while they destroy their bank accounts by not going to Aldi. That kind of subliminal messaging would DRIVE me out of the store threatening to kill all in a blaze of glory.
Once again, Jerry Seinfeld, unpatriotic and murderous.
Oh, my demerit system, I think this may be an effective way to "cleanse" the losers out of your group of friends.
Parents demoted to "guardians"
Brothers and sisters demoted to step-siblings
step-siblings demoted to New Yorkers
spouses demoted to "companion-in-law"
Grandparents demoted to Aunts and Uncles
Aunts and Uncles demoted to the strangers.
Strangers demoted to "in-laws"
and "in-laws" demoted to the cast of Jerry Seinfeld
...and if I dated you, and didn't know you liked Seinfeld, I regret you.
I think I would cry if I ever discovered that my life-long best friend, @Jake Everett, were a Seinfeld fan. I think probation wold be the only remedy. He would be moved to stranger if I found that he owned a John Mayer shirt.
Anyway, there you have it folks. Jerry Seinfeld is unpatriotic, murderous, and supports abortion in the third trimester.
Nancy Pelosi likes Seinfeld.
